I despise writing. I hate most of the moments I am stuck behind this keyboard attempting in vain to come up with that killer line or that awesome scene. There are always more things that I can think of doing besides sitting at my desk staring at a blank screen. My time at the computer is filled with interruptions that I would rather do. Honestly, the drudge of sitting here day after day gets tiring, both physically and mentally. So, you might ask, then why do I do it? Why don’t I just quit while I still have my sanity?
The story won’t let me.
My characters won’t let me.
Believe me, I have tried to stop. There is nothing more I want to do than stop, but like most addictions, one simply cannot turn it off once it has taken hold. The problem is this: there are moments, rare though they may be, that I do come up with a killer line and that awesome scene. I also learn things through the research that I do to either hone my craft or make my story that much stronger. The rush I get when I have a writing session where everything falls together and everything I write is GENIUS (or at least it feels like it).
After having written two complete novels (only published one), I have days where I dread pulling up Scrivener and typing 1000 words. Heck, there are times when I force myself on the computer only to finish writing a whopping 250 words. That’s one page. That’s my bare minimum. I usually strive for four (1000 words). Some days, they come easy, especially when I am in an exciting scene and I don’t want it to end or I know exactly what I want to say or how I want to describe something. The rest (which are more often than not) is hard.
Writing is hard.
Don’t let anyone fool you. Don’t let anyone tell you that writing is fun. It isn’t. Okay, it isn’t ALL the time. It can be, I suppose, but I have to be really in the mood and know exactly what it was I wanted to say. Otherwise, it is for naught. I’ve written a novel that is available online and only 26 people (count them 26) have bought the novel. You know what? I really don’t care. It doesn’t cost me anything except my own time. I would be doing this anyway, so why not. My brain just won’t let it go, though sometimes I really wish it would.
The point is this: I know writing is hard. Most of what I read about the craft told me so. I have always wanted to write and probably will continue to do so until my fingers can’t click on the keyboard–I’ll probably find another way, then. Though I may not make it with a Best Seller, I have already met one of my goals in life. A published novel. Self-published, but published nonetheless. That’s more than millions of other people who’ve “always wanted to write”.
This is how I perceive that ever-elusive art of painting with words. Love it or hate it, I cannot let it die lest my characters and Story bug me to pieces until I sit back down at the blasted computer to begin another journey into a new time and place.
If you’re a writer, keep on writing. If you’ve all but given up, keep trying. You’ll find your super-uber secret method of keeping everything together to produce your story. Your story, not anyone else’s. That’s important because no one can take that away from you.